mental health

[jonredbird]

I was reading one of the gal's threads about "beating herself up" for how she looked, and had been doing that for years. It always saddens me to read something like that, because I'd NEVER say the things to you that you probably say to yourself. Do you say to yourself, "you disgust me" or "you don't deserve happiness...you can't even take care of your BODY!!" or "everyone is staring at you and thinking about how gigantic you are", etc. etc. What if me, or someone else said that to you?? Would you ever dream of saying something like that to someone else??

Of course you would not. But to ourselves, we'll say the most piercing, evil, vindictive, cruel, and harmful remarks. What's worse, we believe it. Then we project this onto everyone else, and expect them to feel the same way about us. And then we resent them for it (even though they don't feel that way to begin with). Before long, all of this will lead to problems with anxiety and depression (or visaversa--the anx/dep. may come first, with self-destruction to follow).

Guys, I've been down this road and it is an unpleasant plight, to say the least. I call it a "Snowball Effect"---one thing starts.....maybe you get dumped. Maybe something humiliating happens to you. Before long, you don't go out as much. Dinner and a movie w/ friends?? Nah, I sit this one out, order a large pizza and watch TV alone. Before long, those friends stopping calling to invite you, because they know the answer. So you pull youself deeper into your reclusion, all the while compiling negative thoughts, negative patterns, pounds, etc. So one day you are having a good day, and you go to the mall (wherever) and you find that the social interaction you experience is strangely uncomfortable....."man, I wish I was still at home playing Nintendo or watching a movie, etc". From that experience, you determine that you don't really like malls anymore. Then the same thing happens at another store. Or church. Or you go on a date, you are horribly uncomfortable, so that also gets nixed from your suddenly diminishing list of activities you enjoy.

This snowballs into dreading human interaction. By this point, you are also gaining weight making you feel even less acceptable. You are only comfortable alone/at home/etc. You've alienated your friends and family. You blame outward things, "man, I hate this town!" or "my friends aren't as fun as they used to be" since they actually want to go OUT to do stuff. And steadily, the weight continues to add up---adding to your depression, distorted self-image, etc.




Gee, I bet that was un uplifting read!! That's my story--I'm not proud of it--but it is a part of me that is ultimately making me a better person. If any of you find yourself somewhere along this spectrum, ask for help. Be proactive. Currently, I do lots of self-work to help me with this struggle. Yeah, I've taken medicine, etc.....but medicine doesn't remove the thought, "Jon, you suck and are worthless." You have to reprogram your thinking. I am doing that---not that far along---but I am doing it and making positive changes.

This isn't an easy subject to talk about, but I imagine most anyone reading this that is significantly overweight has issues similar to this that they are working through. I wanted to open the door for anyone that wants to discuss what they are going through and how it (will ultimately) affect their BFL Challenge.

And this isn't a problem that discriminates as I found out. Ten years ago, if you'd have asked me to describe what type of person had problems w/ anxiety and/or depression I certainly wouldn't have described myself. Alas, here I am. But I've decided not to accept it and to change!

Anyone else ever get down on themselves in an unhealthy way??

[WannaBsexy]

Originally Posted by jonredbird

Anyone else ever get down on themselves in an unhealthy way??

Every dang day Jon. I have a major problem with this. I feel like everyone's looking at me and judging me for my weight. I call myself names, I'm not comfortable mentioning some of the things I've done in my "fits of fat rage", but it's not good. I know it's my own fault, and I take it out on myself, my family, my friends, everyone.

I have a huge problem with going out in public. I drink in order to cope with the "all eyes on me" issue. At the same time, I think, why in the hell would these people be looking at me? I'm a fat, ugly slob? Who am I that they would give a crap? Sooo, I tell myself that they don't care about me, I shun away, only speaking when spoken to. Until I have a few drinks...

I'm sure I have S.A.D. and there are a lot of issues behind it. One reason I think I've been keeping weight on is that it's a form of "protection". When I came across the BFL challenge, I realized that I could lose weight and instead of becoming small and frail, I could build muscle!

I'm not significantly overweight, but the weight I do have affects my every waking minute. I'm ashamed and withdrawn. I've taken meds as well but they didn't really help. They merely masked the issue, and I gained weight with them.

Soooo a major issue is this: I'm afraid I won't want to go through with the challenge or I'll do a half-butt job on it because I don't want to draw attention to myself! I mean, my user name is WannaBsexy. Do I really wanna be sexy? How would I fade into the background then?

[lillyo]

Originally Posted by WannaBsexy

I'm not significantly overweight, but the weight I do have affects my every waking minute. I'm ashamed and withdrawn. I've taken meds as well but they didn't really help. They merely masked the issue, and I gained weight with them.

Soooo a major issue is this: I'm afraid I won't want to go through with the challenge or I'll do a half-butt job on it because I don't want to draw attention to myself! I mean, my user name is WannaBsexy. Do I really wanna be sexy? How would I fade into the background then?

WannaB...I swear we are long-lost twins. I had to tap my monitor to be sure I didn't type your post. The ONLY thing (besides support) that got me through my first challenge was DAILY reminding myself "progress, not perfection."

And I wanted to just say, even if your challenge is half-assed, at least it's a step in the right direction?

Thnx to both of you (Jon included) for your honesty. Please remember we are here for you. With "woot woots" and cat calls to help you keep putting one foot in front of the other. Dig in and make today even a "little better" than yesterday.

Bill Phillips most helpful words were (paraphrasing, here) "in one year your body will rebuild itself. What kind of "you" do you wanna be in one year?"

I reach my hand out to both of you and say "grab it...I'll (and the others on this board) help you through the tough days..." I don't care what you look like...your hearts are huge and full of love and caring...TAKE MY HAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[WannaBsexy]

...TAKING YOUR HAND LIL!!! & I really need it today... Not been good at ALL this holiday... In fact, when I begin on 01/01/08, I'm sure I will be heavier than in my before pics!

But that's okay. It's going to be a New Year! A New Life! A New Attitude! A New Body!

[blondebunny]

Jon -Thank you for sharing with us. As i read it I swear you had read my mind. Its amazing how we think no one else goes through what we have but there are others. As i read this today I had tears in my eyes. It really did open them again. I am really happy you are part of this forum


Wannabe - thanks for posting your struggles as well. WE definitely are all here to become healthier and get in the shape we want to be in.
You guys sharing what you are going through is very helpful and it will also help us to help you even better.

I myself have a lot to lose and this holiday has been really hard but I am ready to move on not throw in the towel which is part of the progress not perfection motto. WE do transform in many ways and I think that if we can see our mistakes and work on getting past them then we have taken the hardest step there is so now its a matter of continue to step forward.

Together we can do it!!!!!!!!!!!

Dawn

[lillyo]

Originally Posted by blondebunny

Together we can do it!!!!!!!!!!!

Dawn

Dawn: TOGETHER we can do it.

[WannaBsexy]

Together!!!

[ladybird]

thanks for posting your stories-- it's good to know that others feel the same way too.
It took me a really long time to realize that my self-criticism and "downs" had nothing to do with the size of my body. I used to think that losing weight would make me feel better about myself. I realized that the inside and the outside were two completely different things. During and after my first body for life challenge, I felt energized and proud of myself for my newfound health and accomplishing a goal. About a year after, other factors in my life made me neglect to take care of my body-- even though I wasn't exactly gaining weight, I was feeding my body junk and missing out on workouts, and then trying to compensate by skipping meals out of fear of gaining the fat back. I now know that being in good shape won't instantly cure all my insecurities, but my mental health and physical health are tied together and need to be worked on together!

[parrothead]

Thank you all for your honesty. I have a feeling that this message board will be one of the things that helps me be successful.

I am not grossly overweight, 15-20 lbs. However, I would stand in front of the mirror and pinch the several inches around my waist, or the saddle bags on my thighs, and look at my reflection with self loathing. When I was in college, I had the perfect body, now at 30, needless to say, I don't. What's strange is when I was a size 6, I still thought I was fat. I found a high school diary, where one of my new years resolutions was to get my weight back down to 115 lbs ( I am 5 ft 6.5 in). I guess what I am saying, is that love is from the inside out, not the other way around.

The other issue that I have, is with other diets, when I would fail, then I would really beat myself up. You'r lazy, your pathetic, your weak, your cannot stick to anything, you don't deserve to look good, were constand mantras that would go through my mind.

I have ready some posts (I am not sure if it was on here or another site) badmouthing the women's version of BFL. I have read both books, and for me the women's book is the first time I have had an ah ha moment about dieting. It spoke to me emotionally, and motivated me.

I am [paraphrasing: If vanity and health were motivation enough, we would all be thin and healthy by now. You must find the true why for you. The why takes you beyond your health and vanity. They're deeply personal. They get at why you doing the challange at all, why you are doing it now. Things like: I want to prove I can follow through with someting. I'm tired of hating myself, I want to love myself. I want to be a good role model for my daughter". These are the motivations that will see you through the tough times. Close your eyes repeat your reasons to youself, and wait to feel a feeling of resonance, the feeling that makes your stomach flip. That is your target motivation.

For me, my target motivation is I want to prove that I am strong enough to make it through the challenge, that I am a stong confidant woman, not a victum of my urges. That is what will get me through this not the desire to wear a bathing suit this summer.

As well, I do suffer from anxiety in the winter, (SADs). I have found in the past 3 weeks that I have been eating out of the Eating For Life cookbook, I am happier. I think that there really is something to cutting out all the preservatives that helps depression and anxiety.

Thanks for sticking with me through the long post.